Anger Management: Don't Kick The Cat!

Don't kick the cat!

We all have days like this.  You think you're completely relaxed.  You think you are going to have a great day.  Then the first person you see just says or does something to ruin your day.  All of a sudden you're upset...you just can't manage your anger.  How and why do we go from 0-60 like this?  Don't kick the cat!

Don't kick the cat!

Or maybe, your day just started off poorly.  Your alarm clock didn't go off and you wake up and instantly have to rush out of the house skipping breakfast.  You're already running late and then you get stuck in traffic.  Your stomach is rumbling with hunger and someone cuts you off.  You want to go faster but you have no control over the traffic.  When you finally make it to work, the last person you want to see when you walk in the door is your boss.  Guess who is the first person you see?  Your boss!  And what do they say?  You're late!  You're mad at everyone at that moment.  You're mad at yourself for waking up late.  You're mad at your clock for not working right.  You're mad at the traffic, the drivers that cut you off, and your boss for acknowledging something you already knew.  Don't kick the cat!

Don't kick the cat!

Regardless of the cause of your anger, don't kick the cat!  This is a story I heard in an audiobook by Zig Zigler: See You At The Top.  I'll just give you a quick version of it because I can't do it justice the way he does.  You'll have to read the book for the best rendition.

Let's say the boss arrives late and because he's mad and doesn't want to draw attention to him being late, he enters the office and yells at his vice president for not completing a sale.  Now, the vice president is mad and he walks by his secretary.  He yells at her for not providing the files he asked for yesterday.  Now, the secretary is upset.  When she gets home, she sees mud tracked across the floor.  She finds her son and yells at him for not removing his shoes at the door.  Now her son is upset.  As he's storming off, their pet cat crosses his path.  And you guessed it!  He kicks the cat!

Don't kick the cat!

The main thing to take away from this story is that we all have days where we get angry for whatever reason.  It's often difficult at the time but you have to realize why you're angry or who you're really angry with.  You don't want to take your anger out on the wrong person...especially if you really care about this person.  It's better to use anger management than to start the anger domino affect that will end with a cat getting kicked.

Carnival

For most people, Natalie Merchant is a well-known name.  I've recently become acquainted with her music.  I heard one of her songs on VH1 and instantly liked the way she delivered it.  VH1 said Tigerlily was a really good (perhaps classic) album by Natalie Merchant so I decided to find it.

I don't think it was the first time I've heard Natalie Merchant's songs.  I used to work in a local supermarket when I was  a teenager and I remember hearing lots of 80's songs playing.  Some songs spoke to me but I didn't know the artists.  I was also young and heavy into Rap and RnB so I only listened to what I'm guessing would be called Alternative music while I was at work.  When I hear songs a few times and they are catchy, I learn them quickly.

Back to Natalie Merchant, Tigerlily, and Carnival, I listened to her album and enjoyed the entire album.  When Carnival first came on, I didn't recognize the song, especially not the lyrics.  Once it got to the hook, I recognized the song.  I had heard it before but I had never really listened to it.

"Have I been blind?  Have I been lost?  Inside myself and my own mind?  Hypnotized?  Mesmerized by what my eyes have seen?" (Natalie Merchant, Carnival)

Natalie is comparing a part of what she's seen in life to a carnival.  It is a very interesting outlook.  It makes me wonder, "Are we just going through the motions?"  Are we living our lives or are we just going along the road set for us?  I think there are definitely times in our lives that we are just on auto-pilot.  There are also times in our lives where we get to a point where we can choose to continue down that road or take a different route.  The problem with that is that you have to be alert to notice when that time comes.  Otherwise, you'll just pass right by it.

While a carnival can be entertaining, I don't want to spend my whole life inside one.  I don't wan't be be "Hypnotized, mesmerized by what my eyes have seen." (Natalie Merchant, Carnival).  I want to be awake and surprise life and myself by taking some different paths.

Prevent Burn Out

Prevent Burn Out

It's good to be motivated!  It's great to be a hard worker.  Along with all the effort, you also have to take some time to relax and recharge your batteries from time to time.  It doesn't help if you constantly push yourself to the burn out point.   I know from experience.  Sometimes, it's very hard to recover.  What do you think about when you see this picture?

Prevent Burn Out

Most people would probably think that looks pretty cool.  If you're thinking that looks awesome right now or that you could really use a vacation, you may want to be careful.  It sounds like you may have a lot of stress in your life.  You probably need to take a vacation.  It doesn't have to be this elaborate and expensive.  You may just need a few days away.  Sometimes the weekend is just not long enough.  Think about coordinating with your boss to take an extended weekend occasionally.  This may prevent burn out.

Prevent Burn Out

You should also think about what relaxes you.  Identify stress relievers and take time to use them.  I'm a NBA 2K (video game) player.  I like basketball and it relaxes me to play after work.  If I'm having a bad day, and then I lose the game, it adds to my stress.  Therefore, I have other activities that help me relax and prevent burn out.  They include running, driving, going to the beach, listening to music, and of course blogging.

We all have so much we want to accomplish.  At times, the mountain looks too large to tackle.  Some days, you just feel like you're in quicksand.  The more you fight, the more you sink.  Remember, you're not alone.  That is the most important thing to keep in mind to prevent burn out.  Don't let your stress cause you to lash out at those closest to you.

If you're an overachiever, that's a good thing.  Keep doing what you're doing, just know your limits.  I've seen too many hard workers with ailments from pushing too hard.  Some people don't realize the impact stress can have on their health until it's too late.  Take the time now to prevent burn out for a happy, healthy life.

Prevent Burn Out

Work Hard, Play Hard

Work Hard, Play Hard

Work hard, play hard.  In life, you have to be balanced.  It's often easier said than done.  I mean...how do you know what is the perfect balance?  It can change from day to day or month to month.  My balance changes daily because I may think in the morning I'm going to only work a normal shift and then I can do something I enjoy after work.  Then, a new assignment may pop up that needs to be resolved quickly.  It may take a while to complete and then the day may go by quickly.  All of a sudden, you're done with the new task but you haven't accomplished anything that you had planned originally.

There were times when I spent more time playing instead of working.  It was my choice to work hard instead of play hard.  Oh, it was great and a lot of fun!  I did whatever I wanted with no worries about the consequences.  The funny thing about consequences is that even when you don't worry about them, they are still there.  Because of my choice, I fell behind in accomplishing my goals during that time.  Sure, I was happy in the present, but it wasn't good for my future.  Time moves faster than you think.

There were also times when I just worked too hard.  I couldn't enjoy life; work consumed me.  I may have had success at work during this time but I was over stressed without an outlet.  "Sometimes when you win, you actually lose or tie." (Rosie Perez, White Men Can't Jump)

I survived both scenarios but only because I or people around me noticed that I was veering too much one way or the other.  Without the intervention, I hate to imagine what would have happened.  Finding the proper balance is the key.  Too much of anything is unhealthy.  Even today, I'm still learning when to work hard and when to play hard.

Shine Like a Diamond

Shine Like a Diamond

When it comes to life, I want to shine like a diamond.  I have so much belief in myself.  I don't think anything is beyond my reach.  I know that no matter what I accomplish, I did and will not accomplish it alone.  I had help from parents that loved me, pushed me when needed, and gave me freedom to make my own choices when needed.  I had help from siblings that showed me other perspectives for situations.  I have friends that have offered helping hands so I could achieve my goals.    I have friends that engage me in meaningful conversations to help me grow and learn.  I have someone special in my corner that believes in me and encourages me.  They all helped me shine like a diamond.  That's the loving side.  I have past bosses that showed me how not to lead.  I have past bosses that were tough on me and pushed me to be better.    I have "Dream Killers" that told me I couldn't do something.  A few times, I was a "Dream Killer" and told myself I couldn't accomplish something.  Boy, was I wrong!  It took the support of loved ones and the toughness to help me shine.  I have learned that sometimes great things fall in your lap, but also, there are many times when you have to work extremely hard to achieve your goals.  I will enjoy the simple paths but won't shy away from the difficult paths.  Both paths are required to get to the top.  I know that in the end, I will get there and I will shine like a diamond!

Happy New Year 2013!

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year 2013

A new year has arrived!  This is a day that we can take time away from work and our busy schedules and reflect over the previous year.  Did we accomplish everything we planned?  If not, what happened?  Regardless, it is now in the past.  Our new focus should be on how can we improve for the new year.  Whether 2012 was a great year for you or it left more to be desired, we have a new year to achieve our goals.  We have a new year to spend with our families and friends.  So cheers everyone, let's welcome 2013 and all the great things that are to come during this new year!

No Different But So Different

No Different but So Different

No Different but So Different                                              

As I take a look at myself in the mirror, there is really nothing that
stands out about me.  I'm not the most handsome guy but also not the
least.  I'm not the strongest; I'm not the weakest.  I'm not the tallest
nor the shortest.  Still, there is a reason that I stand in this place at
this time while someone else stands in another place at the same time.  Was
that person smarter?  Perhaps, but I don't think so. I think they were average...just
like me.  Did they have more ambition?  I don't think so.  I think they were
average...just like me.  So to me, that means, they are no different...but
the outcome is so different.  Did we once stand at the same place at the
same time...or perhaps different times?  Could it be the decisions we made
when we stood there?  Is that what makes us no different but so different?
I feel like I'm searching for an answer that doesn't exist.  Is it something
so minute that puts me in this location and another person in a different
location?  Everything feels no different...but so different.

Dream Big!

It all starts with an idea.  It starts with a dream.  It's up to you to take that idea to the next level.  Often, I thought it was too difficult or too far out of reach to make it happen.  Perhaps, I ignored my ideas so long, I didn't even recognize the ideas or pay attention to them when they appeared.  Life can be hectic; there are a lot of priorities to balance.  I always had an active imagination, but I didn't think there was a purpose for it.  I thought it was a distraction.  Everything has a purpose.  Now, I realize I am a Dreamer.  I may say something that I know is impossible.  Some people will just say, "That's impossible.", and dismiss it.  I ask, "Why is it impossible?"  Now, that I understand I am a Dreamer, I recognize my ideas when they appear.   I never knew how many ideas I had before.  I just ignored them.  Now, they display vividly in High Definition.  I have more ideas than I know what to do with.  So I am a Dreamer and now I know the purpose.  If you are a Dreamer as well, don't ignore your ideas.  Dream big!  Then try to make them into reality.  Just start with one.  Like I said at the beginning, it all starts with an idea.  So don't let it end with that idea.  Take action.  Make that dream into reality to fulfill the purpose.  The world can always use more Dreamers!  Someone inspired me to dream and I hope this inspires others to dream.

Happy Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving!  Today is a special day.  It is a day we can spend with our families and friends.  A day that we can reflect on the year and appreciate the great blessings we have received.

What Roadblock?

In business and in life, you will have unfortunate circumstances or roadblocks.  You should never dwell on these setbacks.  When you run into these roadblocks, you have to be flexible.  You can't just say, "Oh, well.  There is something in my way so I can't do anything."  That's the wrong attitude to have.  I learned the hard way, but I got wiser.  I've been placed in situations where I faced obstacle after obstacle.  Was it easy?  No, not at all.  Was it easier to accept the obstacle and stop?  Yes.  But I would never accomplish anything that way.  The best feeling is when you accomplish something that you really had to work for.  When you face roadblocks, you have to be fluid.  I imagine roadblocks as having cushions.  When one pops up, I run into it, bounce off, and look for another way.  Sometimes, I just make a game of it.  You know there are going to be roadblocks.  If you expect them and then they never show up, then consider it a good day.  Most likely, the roadblocks will show up.  They don't take too many days off.  So, expect the unexpected.  If you encounter roadblocks, bounce off, and find another way.  With practice, you'll get good at navigating roadblocks.  One day, someone will ask, "How did you get around that roadblock?"  And you'll respond, "What roadblock?"

Aspiration: What Are You Working For?

This picture represents being at the top, but how do you get there?  Some people are born into wealth, others work hard to gain wealth.   The good thing about the American Dream is that you can be born into poverty and work your way up to the top.  That's the dream.  It's not usually an easy road to reach the top though.  Lots of people know the effort it takes so they avoid taking the chance.  Other people say, if there is the slightest chance, why not try it?  This leads me to aspiration.  Most people aspire to reach the top.  Most people work hard each day.  Are they working this hard to reach the top or just to stay where they are?  Most of us are just on the hamster wheel.  We're spinning our feet but not really making progress.  Some people are happy in their lives, many are not.  Money doesn't give you happiness.  Hopefully, we all know this.  Financial success can give you more freedom.  Freedom to spend with loved ones.  The freedom to set your own schedule.  Many aspire to get to the top and to do great things.  We just have to take an honest look at ourselves and decide.  Are we working to reach the top or are we spinning the hamster wheel?  Then we have to make sure our actions are in alignment with our aspirations.

Iron Man 3 - Man Vs Suit

With Iron Man 3 coming out next year, the new trailer made me think.  Suit vs Man.  Does the suit make the man or does the man make the suit?  Tony Stark can throw on this cool, protective suit and do some amazing things!  Does Tony do these amazing things because he knows the suit will protect him?  Does the added security make him more courageous?  I think a lot of the dazzling displays are done because the layer of protection is there, but ultimately, it is the man inside the suit.  Tony's quick wit and intelligence is still there without the suit.  His determination to help the world and protect his family still exists.  When the situation is unfavorable and the suit is extremely battle damaged, it's the man that rises to the occasion.  The suit doesn't have anything to fight for while Tony must fight for everything. If you take any person and change the clothing they wear, it may change their confidence slightly but they are still the same person.  I believe in the battle of man vs suit, the victor should be man.  The man makes the suit!  What do you think?

On Fire!

On fire!  Alicia Keys sings about a girl on fire.  With any form of artistry, people examine it and try to determine what is meant by it.  I am far from an expert in interpreting artwork but here are my thoughts.  The title is Girl on Fire and I believe this song was used on Hunger Games for the main character.  This girl is not letting anything stop her.  You can take more from this song though.  Don't think this is only for girls or women.  The misfortune, drive, and ambition can apply to anyone.  You just have to realize that everything won't always go your way but don't let that discourage you.  That's just one thing, one day, one week...maybe even one year.  The next things, days, weeks, or years could be spectacular!  Letting setbacks hold you down only prevent you from reaching your goals.  Push through it all and set the world on fire!  Not literally on fire, but keeping pushing forward and achieve your goals.  Believe in yourself and you can do it!  That's my interpretation.  What is yours?  Does this song motivate you?

Passion: Job or Career

Passion is on my mind today.  Not just the traditional form of the word like sexual passion...even though that is nice also.  I'm referring to the passion one has for something they love.  It's often the difference between a job and a career.  A job is usually something you do to pay your bills.  A career is something that you truly enjoy.  Something that inspires you.  The video above shows a passion.  You can do well in a job but you will push yourself more for something you are passionate about.  Often we lose track of the things we are passionate about for various reasons.  Who says you can't have a job during the day and pursue your passion at night?  I don't think anyone should give up on their passion.  If it's truly a passion, you can find the time to pursue it.  Somehow...some way.

Beautiful Surprise

Listening to this video, I can understand that it's more about the little things in life.  Little things can mean so much.  They can leave a lasting impression.  In many cases, it is the thought that counts.  It's not that you're giving gifts or showing up unexpectedly; it's the idea that you cared enough to make a kind gesture for someone other than yourself.  True, it sounds like an easy concept, but there are plenty of times when we are self-centered.  When this happens, we are not aware of our impact on others.  So the takeaway from this is make the effort.  Think about more than just yourself.  Make the kind gesture and give someone special in your life that beautiful surprise.

Not As We

Sometimes in life, we build friendships or relationships.  In that moment in time, we think they will last forever.  Some do...some don't.  That's the reality of it.  We never know what the future may hold.  In school, I had a couple of close friends.  At that time, I thought we'd be friends forever.  Now, I haven't spoken to them in over a decade.  We just lost touch.  I had another friend I checked in with every year or so whenever something reminded me of him.  Now, when something reminds me of him, I can't talk to him.  I'm just reminded that he's gone.  It's true the good die young.  Sometimes people come into your life for a lifetime, but sometimes it's only for a moment.  It's hard to predict how long any relationship will last so you should cherish the relationship as long as it exists.

Simply Amazing

"Simply amazing!  And she loves me." (Trey Songz).  That's how I feel when I think about the special lady in my life.  There are plenty of distractions in life...work, mortgage, car payments, and utility bills are just a few.  We get overwhelmed by the things that aren't as important and sometimes forget about what's truly important.  I cherish the time we spend together because it feels like nothing else exists in that moment. Though we don't spend as much time together as preferred, the time we have together is quality time.  It's great!  It's a time when all the daily problems just disappear and all that exists is love.  And that's...simply amazing.

My Hometown

I think about my hometown.  It's a small, quiet town so it seems like everyone knows everyone else.  As a teenager on the school bus, if my friends and I got too rowdy, the bus driver would simply say, "Don't make me tell your parents!"  And she very well could.  I went to the local convenience store and the people knew my name...or at least knew how to connect the dots..."Oh, that's -------'s son."  It was away from the busy life of the city.  I enjoyed going to baseball games and family BBQs.  Sometimes we get so caught up in where we are or where we're trying to get that we lose track of where we came from.  I'll be the first to admit my hometown is and always will be a part of me.

Don't You Remember?

Music is good for the soul.  Often we have feelings that we can't express...we just can't find the right words.  We think that we are the only ones experiencing whatever we're going through at the time, but that's not true.  Lots of people have similar experiences.  Sometimes you just have to reach out...express your feelings and then you will find that you are not alone.  Love, anger, humor, happiness, disappointment, joy, pain, and loss.   Most people have felt all these things.  Whenever you feel any of these feelings, remember, you are not alone.

Kissed By The Sun

I knew the sun well.  She was always outside and I was more of an inside person.  When I went outside, I would acknowledge her and extend a courteous greeting.  She would return a warm greeting.  When I drove my car, I could see her watching me but her presence was calmed by the air conditioning.  Sometimes I turned off the AC and drove with my windows down.  There were times when I ignored the sun while resting my arm on the door.  She gently let me know she was there by lightly touching my arm.  If I continued to ignore her charm, she persisted until the heat was too much and I was forced to pull my arm away.  This wasn't the relationship I wanted; she was too pushy.  But somehow, one day, my feelings changed.  I decided to go to the beach.  I walked outside but she wasn't there...only dark clouds.  I had packed my beach gear for a nice day but she didn't show up.  Was she no longer smitten with me?  I drove around for an hour with my windows down.  Finally, I felt her faint touch on my arm.  Then it became more pronounced.  I looked up and she was back.  We went to the beach and I laid with her.  She watched over me and I felt so comfortable with her.  I fell asleep, for what seemed like a moment.  She woke me from my slumber with a kiss.  It was hot! Oh God, it was hot!  Too hot!  I jumped up, scolded her, and ran away.  For days, I stayed inside and avoided her.  I cursed her as my skin itched uncomfortably and eventually peeled.  My friends tell me often how nice the sun is, but I am too familiar with her.  She brought me pain.  Our relationship will never be the same.